Not only is ill fitting underwear a problem, expanding titty skin also gets itchy. And expanding belly skin. And expanding pubic skin. My pubes are driving me mad. Is this the time I mention cervical mucous? Just kidding, there are some places a blog should never go:)
I'm at that awkward point of expansion where no one would call me on pregnancy, but you know everyone is debating the "Chubba vs Expecting" question. If I'm standing up I do look a lot more rounded and pregnant but the second I sit down I bulge in all directions over my trousers and it becomes frighteningly obvious that chubbaness cannot be ruled out. In fact it plays a definite part of the equation. And once chubbaness is determined, it is several months more before anyone would dare suggest, even to themselves, that a uterine goblin is in situ.
I wonder if I should get one of those t-shirts that informs everybody that I am, in fact, pregnant. I think they're designed for the less chatty and more defensive mothers amongst us who think pregnancy is private and find question asking offensive. I'm not one of them. I've never seen the point in getting upset with phatic communication, especially over babies. Sure, if a random lift stranger enquired as to the muckiness of my vaginal discharge I might be aghast, but "when are you due" seems easy to answer. Likewise "she's gorgeous, how old is she?" seems a lot friendlier and less invasive than "did you have an episiotomy?". But anyway, these t-shirts have been invented.
Embarrassingly, in my case my belly completely over exaggerates the 14 weeks of gestation past. I'm unlikely to be taken seriously if I admit my true due date, if someone were brave enough to ask. I'd be tempted to reply that I'm just a chubba but I wonder if the t-shirt would be more appropriate. I'm torn between having on the front "I'm Up the Duff NOT Fat" and "You B*tch" on the back; and "I'm Not the Only Chubba Here" on the front and "But At Least I'm Pregnant" on the back. Which brings me to my husband.
It would seem my beloved has proudly added to his announcement of our expected status, that he didn't have to have sex to do it. I'm sure there are ways to be clearer. I questioned his preference that everybody find out he took a syringe to the testicles but he charmingly pointed out that he'd rather everyone knew than think he'd had sex with me. He's kind of the opposite to most blokes. You know the kind who love walking proudly beside their pregnant Mrs. You can see it in the Cheshire grin "YES she's pregnant, Yes I put my Penis in her Vagina". Not mine. He'd rather everyone think that some random stuck it to me than admit that he may have sullied his member. Still, it does make him feel holy and pure.
So anyway. I'm 14 weeks and 1 day. This week I heard a tiny heart beat. It sounds terribly cute. I am still a bundle of nerves but I am expanding beautifully, or should I say prolifically, and my boobs are sore enough to let me know my hormones are screaming PREGNANT. And they're huge. I'm not as tired as I was, I'm still rather moody and my pubes are driving me batty. What else can I tell you about pregnancy? Other than in between the neurosis, I'm letting myself get EVER so excited!!!!!
