Don't panic, I'm panicking

Well the last few days have been REALLY hard! All was going well until I had more spotting on Wednesday, Anzac day. My nerves are so frazzled. As it was a public holiday I had no option but to wait until Thursday to make a phone call. And I have to wait until lunchtime today for another scan. I have had A LOT of aching pains which although are probably stretching pains and expected, they make me nervous and we have one irate, door slamming, foully behaved, sulking teenager praying I'll have a miscarriage. I just want to cry.

Have I mentioned I am not the world's most calm person? Stressed is my middle name. Irrational would describe my inner thought process. Desperate would describe my state of mind. I forgot how angst ridden early pregnancy was. I'd told myself how much better I would be this time but I'm not doing a good job of convincing myself. It's that last chance raising it's head again. My mother tells me she'd like to start knitting but it's too early yet, I might lose it. Seriously? Thanks for that. Not once, but twice. Just what I need, someone else's stress. It seems no one can say the right thing to me, no conversation is safe. No I don't want to hear stories of people who were 7 weeks pregnant but lost the baby and can't have more. No I don't want to go to the toilet again in case I'm spotting again. No I don't want to be awake for the next 33 weeks. I want to be asleep and wake up to a healthy baby. Did someone mention that women get moody in pregnancy?

In good news, I have one VERY excited wee Rabbit. After the first scan Mr G told his parents of the impending delivery, which meant the Contessa was going to find out, which means the Rabbit needed to be told. It was becoming too difficult to hide from her. She has acute, Rabbit ears, she keeps reading over my shoulder when I'm on the computer and if I spelled p-r-e-g-n-a-n-t, she'd know what I'd spelt. Having a 5 year old with a very advanced reading age can be a difficulty. But as long as everything goes well, she's so positive and happy about getting a baby brother or sister than it is great that she knows. She can't wait!!! She's ever so cute.

I'm going to go and have a cup of tea and do my hair so I can head off for my scan. I just hope everything is ok so I can relax and settle into sore boobs and painful stretching without the frequent panic attacks...